Who hasn’t had their trust broken at some time? Being blind-sided by someone can be a soul destroying and life changing experience. It seems odd that we as a society don’t teach our children more about trust and how important it is.
Once our trust is broken by someone, depending on the severity, many of us become emotionally blocked and find it hard to ever trust again. A lot of the time we feel like we are a victim of circumstance, and sometimes we are, however, I believe the most important step in the healing process is to take our power and responsibility for our trust back.
If you think about it, someone placing their trust in your hands is a truly precious gift. So few of us acknowledge what an honour and a privilege it is to have someone’s trust, a lot of the time we don’t value it, we don’t see the real worth that trust has.
If trust was a million dollars you wouldn’t just go giving it to anyone, you would only give it to those you feel deserve it, because they have proven to you that they are worthy of it. This doesn’t mean you should hold back and distrust everyone, this is just about setting clear boundaries to protect what is precious to you.
If your trust was a million dollars, you would make anyone you give it to prove that they are deserving of it. We tend to treat trust like it’s only worth 50 cents and then we get so upset when someone doesn’t honour our trust, because in fact, it was never worth 50 cents – it was always worth a million dollars.
Trust is not just about someone doing something dramatic like cheating, stealing or worse to you, it can be but it can also be more subtle. It could also be about whom you take advice from and their motives behind that advice. It could be whom you allow as your closest friends in terms of being vulnerable with, because you may be letting people in who aren’t bad people but their advice to you, isn’t coming from unconditional love.
People with poor boundaries give away their trust too freely, because they are trust worthy and expect that others hold the same values as they do.
Start to view your trust as a precious gift and know not everyone will be worthy of it, and some that once had it – no longer deserve it. Look at trust as a gift, that can be returned and take responsibility that you gave it, always knowing at any time you can take it back.
Don’t be hopeful that they will become someone that is still worthy of your trust, if they show you they don’t deserve your trust, believe them!
Someone that is worthy of your trust won’t mind the boundaries you need to make to keep you safe, because someone that deserves your trust is there for you and has your best interest at heart.
Most of the time when our trust gets betrayed, we look back and realize that the signs were always there that we chose to ignore.
If you value your trust and treat it as a precious gift, you will start to notice the signs and instead of ignoring them, you’ll allow yourself to notice them and know you always have the power to take your trust back and save it for those that are worthy of it. Understand that in life there will be people you encounter that are not worthy of your trust and you give it to them anyway. Instead of closing down to anyone and everyone, because of your past experiences, allowing yourself to know that there are some worthy of it and some who are not, that you can take back your precious gift at any given moment because it’s yours and it is precious.
See trust literally as a parcel that you allowed someone to hold and if someone kept dropping your parcel or misplacing it, you wouldn’t decide that your parcel can never be held by anyone ever again, you would just look around and see who is good at holding parcels, who is more organized and stable, you wouldn’t take it personally that the person couldn’t hold your parcel because it was about their ability to hold it, it was never a reflection of you. You would just move on to a worthy recipient and not just give it over but observe as you give it bit by bit as they prove worthy to hold it.
A few tips on trust:
- If anyone says something to you and you get a yucky feeling in your body (could be anxiety, dread) notice that feeling and start to notice if this is a common occurrence with that person even if it is sporadic.
- Always trust your gut.
- Protect yourself in any business relationship with the correct contracts, agreements in place even if they are your best friend.
- Protect yourself financially in any romantic relationship to the capacity that sits right for you, with legal agreements if necessary.
- Have strong energetic boundaries with those that are tapping into your energy (those that you open yourself up to) could be a partner, body worker, healer, reader, family member (say to yourself I don’t take on the energy of others)
- Don’t always be the person that allows others to dump their problems onto, especially if they are someone that isn’t there for you or hears out your issues- relationships should always be reciprocal not one sided.
Briony Goldsmith x